The sun eventually comes out

Essential takeaway: Strive, but not too much

My health has been in a bad place for almost a year now. It has been worse than just the normal “I’m drowning in the pile of laundry” type of feeling. (please say you have a laundry mountain you are afraid to climb). Today as the sun comes out over the snow covered valley I feel hope. Maybe that is because I’m looking outside instead of the many things I need to do inside the house! As I fight the urge to go back to bed, I have had to accept that simple things have to be enough. Not should be enough. Not could be enough…. they just are. Because of health, I have no choice in the matter. Simple HAS to be enough. I used to have big ideas and things I wanted to do. Over the years, I have surrounded myself with amazing, high achiever type people. This has been very motivational for me.

The last few months I have felt lost and the very thought of keeping up with these types of people is exhausting to me. To really feel happy as a human, we need to be striving to be more and do more. We have a desire deep down inside of us to progress and become something we aren’t today. I look forward to the day when I can dig deep into those feelings and “become”. Today, as I see the sun coming over the mountain, and ignore the house cleaning, I have to be happy with what is. Learning the lesson of accepting who I am right now while not giving up on a dream has been a balancing act. I have very little balance. I think I need to learn a lesson of accepting what is today and what I can not change. I am a serious control freak so loss of control is scary to me. On days I feel well, I can control what I will do with my time. I will concentrate on cleaning the house. Or, I won’t. I don’t want to get back on the over achiever bandwagon just yet.

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